We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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