I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
