I can tuck mytits in my pants
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
two words: eviction party
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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