bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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