her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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