she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
