one might say we're banned from that church
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
