you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
