I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
