I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
