I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
