Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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