so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
