census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
