Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
