I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
