I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
