Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
