so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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