My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
