I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
