In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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