She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
