we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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