Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
