let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
