We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
