im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
