He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
