Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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