I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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