i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize