Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
