p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
