I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
