Who wears a wallet chain?!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
