State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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