i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Can I color on your dick again?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
