He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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