Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
