so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
