can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
