I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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