sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
