All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
