I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
