If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
