i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
