My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Help. Why am I so naked?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
