just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
